“Everyone looks so sad!”
A few months ago, I invited a couple of Sisters to spend some time with the college students I minister to. After spending a few days walking around campus and seeing the population up close, one Sister exclaimed, “Everyone looks so sad!” It may have been due to the fact that it was the first week of classes after winter break or that it was the middle of January; whatever the reason, her observation was undeniable. Many students seemed to be carrying a huge weight within them, trudging along as they went from class to class, carefully keeping eyes lowered and Airpods firmly in place so as to avoid any kind of interaction with their fellow human beings. This unspoken social agreement to keep everyone at arm’s length preceded any kind of social distancing norms that would ultimately close the university for the rest of the semester. In fact, none of this was new.
The sadness observed by the Sisters wasn’t new.
The interior weight pulling so many students lower and lower to the ground, chaining them to the idea that this feeling is somehow normal, wasn’t new.
The spatial and sonic walls erected to signify “I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE,” weren’t new.
Perhaps none of this was really new. Maybe what the Sisters were able to shine a light on is something that goes beyond the experiences of one group of students and instead can really be felt universally at all times and in all places by everyone. Feelings of life not really making any sense. Relationships becoming distant or completely fading away as their foundations are revealed to be hollow, utilitarian, and constantly rehearsing the question, “What can I get out of it?” Slowly realizing that the money I burn through, the prestige and popularity I earn, and the hobbies that occupy my mind turn out to be nothing but masks I wear to keep me from really asking, “who am I?” Constant activity and an unending supply of media to consume means that I can push these feelings deeper and deeper, only to have them well up when confronted by the silence of boredom, the heartbreak of another failed relationship, or the fragility of the system of walls we put in place to protect our hearts from the inadequacies of life.
What the Sisters recognized - those feelings that so many have come into contact with before - how do we address them in a healthy way? How do we find a resolution to the tensions that arise in our lives due to self-inflicted wounds or wounds inflicted upon us by others...especially those who ought to love us unconditionally?
Because at the core answer to that sadness - the weight, the self-imposed distancing - I believe, is love. When we can root our identity firmly in the reality that each of us is loved unconditionally and truly learn to receive and give this love, it changes things. How we see ourselves, those around us, God… it all changes.
No longer are we confined to the prisons of past mistakes, lies that we tell about ourselves or that others have told to us about ourselves, or patterns of behavior that reinforce these mistakes and lies; instead, we can experience a life that is meaningful as love reveals to us who we truly are and what we are called to do.
Living with an identity firmly rooted in love - this isn’t easy. So many things in this world try to control and warp our sense of self and we begin to believe that we are unlovable or convince ourselves that we are only worth loving if we can do certain things or contribute in a certain way. Soon we give up on the idea that we are loved and begin to weigh ourselves down with false expectations that lead to a never ending quest to try and earn the right to shout, “It is good that I exist!”
Receive the words that say, “I am loved.” Receive the words that are freely spoken into your heart that say, “It is good that I exist.” Receiving this can be hard and often takes healing from past or current wounds and brokenness to come alive and root our identities in what is really True.
knowHis.love is meant to be a place where conversations about who we are in His love take place. The resources on this website are meant to contribute to the building of a culture of vulnerability and authenticity that is needed to help dismantle the walls that keep us from receiving love and sharing this love with others. Our mission is simple - “We hope to reveal love to everyone who encounters this project, allowing each person to experience and participate in the very core of their identity - that is, to be one who is loved and capable of giving love in return.”
Confronting the sadness and senselessness in life, and the incomprehensibility of the self takes the effort of a community - a community firmly rooted in the reality of love. If these ideas resonate with your own experience or someone that you know, please join the conversation. We can only do this together.
Fr. Matthew Gossett
6.19.20