Ordinary
It seems common for people to believe that they are the protagonist in the great story of humanity. Perhaps this is something that many have never grown out of from childhood when we may struggle with a limited field of view that leads us to believe that everyone else is only a secondary character to our leading role. Sadly, as many reach teenage years and adulthood, we may become convinced that the only life worth living is one where we have the spotlight - where we have the attention of others - where those who are outside our narrow range of experiences simply do not exist.
Living like this can be exhausting. It can be a tremendous burden for someone to think that they are the most important person in the world. Everything that they do or think is judged through the lens that convinces them that the lives of everyone else depends on their latest post or interaction.
This tendency to elevate how we live and think to god-like levels is by no means a modern phenomena. If we look in Genesis 3, we see our first parents falling into this same trap. Disobeying the command of God, Adam and Eve listen to the serpent who tells them if they eat from the tree they will surely not die, but rather their eyes will be opened and they will, “be like God, knowing good and evil.”
The tempter is cunning. Upon eating from the tree, Adam and Eve see what they did not see before (that they were naked), but their eyes were far from being opened. In reality, the opposite happens. Their eyes begin to narrow and they see only that it would be good to taste the fruit, that it is pleasing to the eyes, and that they could obtain unknown wisdom by desiring the tree. Instead of seeing the reality of how they were being led away from their caring God, they could only see what mattered to their own limited field of view.
Throughout the Old Testament we see example after example that follows in our first parent’s footsteps - where men and women become almost blinded to the world around them and begin to believe that some sort of fleeting or temporary pleasure is all that exists in the world. Once it is obtained, they may believe, meaning or happiness ought to follow. Cain thought killing Abel would rid him of any kind of guilt for his pride, the Israelites built the golden calf believing they could attribute their salvation from slavery to a god of their own making, David’s fixation on Bathsheba led to the slaughter of Uriah… and so on.
In every example from the Old Testament, as well as in our own lives, we can easily see how temptation has the ability to blind us to what is truly good, what role we play in other’s lives, and to the consequences of our actions. How we see the world folds in on itself to the point that we lose sight of the needs, dignity, and personhood of others as we try to assert ourselves as a god through our thoughts, actions, or inaction.
The use of social media in our culture perpetuates this temptation to claim the status of a god as we are given the power to mute those who annoy us, disparage others anonymously, or compare parts of ourselves to others in a way that only sees values in others as long as we can elevate ourselves above them.
How do we go against the rising tide of self-worship?
In the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7), Christ addresses many topics, but I think that we see an answer to our question in how he speaks about acts of charity, prayer, and fasting. In all three situations, we are encouraged not to act as “hypocrites” who are seen giving to the needy, standing on street corners praying, or look gloomy or disfigured from fasting. Rather, Christ tells us, we ought to do these things in secret. We are called to give to others so that our left hand does not know what our right hand is doing, pray in a hidden-away room, and fast in a way that no one would know of how hungry we may be. In other words, in order to combat the temptation to be our own gods and to rip ourselves out of the narrow view that we are the great protagonist of the human story, we have to live in such a way that contradicts this desire to be known as celebrities are known. It means that we have to be ordinary.
It’s something like a curse or unsettling idea - a desire to be ordinary.
In the movies, books, and television shows we see almost the complete opposite. The young protagonist is often thought “ordinary” only to discover that he or she actually possesses a unique trait, a special power, or an important historical lineage that elevates their status and helps them overcome whatever challenges arise in the story.
In our own lives we will undoubtedly face challenges, some of us may face moments that demand a tremendous amount of courage and heroic virtue; yet for most of us, like most of the saints in heaven, we will live obscure lives that do not have some kind of world-changing effects.
The problem comes when we believe that living in obscurity or in an ordinary way is somehow equivalent to being insignificant. If we let others convince us, or if we try to convince ourselves that the only life worth living is one of notoriety, we are being led down a dangerous path that will only end in frustration and self-hatred.
We will never be influential enough. We will never be popular enough. We will never be known enough according to the world’s standards, but if we re-align ourselves and our priorities according to the standard of the ordinary, we will find that we can actually thrive.
To see ourselves through the lens of the ordinary means that we have to come to terms with reality. We recognize where we currently live, what people we surround ourselves with, and what our daily routine looks like. It means that we don’t compare our lives with others to the point that we begin living in a fantasy world of where I could be living if only ___________, who I could be hanging out with if only _________________, or what we could be doing if only ____________.
Once we begin living in reality we can begin loving in reality.
If we find ourselves living in a fantasy world of where we would rather be, we lose our ability to love where we are actually found. We fear investing our hearts in the people or situations around us because we think something better will come along. Instead of glorifying God for each moment of our existence and savoring the blessings in our lives, we constantly look to the future in hope of something slightly better than what we have now.
To be clear, to see ourselves through the lens of the ordinary is not a condemnation to mediocrity. We are called to greatness and it is commendable to pursue excellence; however, we need to ask to what end will all of our worldly achievements bring us? More accolades? Popularity? A fleeting sense of belonging?
The greatness that we are called to pursue first is a greatness in love.
As St Therese of Lisieux said, “You know well enough that Our Lord does not look so much at the greatness of our actions, nor even at their difficulty, but at the love with which we do them.”
In our ordinariness we are called to great love - to be specific and intentional about who and how we love. It doesn’t take a dire situation or a heroic moment to start loving others, it can begin right now. If we are only waiting to love in those moments where it can be enjoyable or profitable for our reputation, we are allowing the tempter to direct us towards that same fruit in the garden that narrowed the vision of Adam and Eve. Rather, we have the opportunity each day to love in obscurity, to love in the ordinary and truly transform the world directly around us in a radical way.
Instead of depriving those around us of this love due to the narrow and distorted lens of celebrity, we can embrace the obscure and the ordinary and choose to love in the midst of the unknown. A parent can take care of their child in the middle of the night without complaining. We can assist those in need without broadcasting what we’ve done. We can pray for those in desperate situations. We can go out of our way to speak a loving word into the life of someone we know. The possibilities are endless. What matters is what motivates what we do - is it a desire to be seen or a desire to love?
The power to love is in our hands. By sowing love into these little ordinary moments of our lives and the lives of those around us, we can begin to change the very foundation of our relationships. Instead of giving into the temptation to compare, judge, or complain, our first reaction becomes finding a better way to love. Instead of looking for ways to make ourselves known or heard, we find solace in knowing God gave us an opportunity today (no matter how big or small) to effect change in someone’s life through willing their good.
The world needs love in the ordinary - the world needs love in obscurity.